


Don't be stubborn, Granger

by sunriseshades



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, PTSD, age gap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-03 17:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14001345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunriseshades/pseuds/sunriseshades
Summary: People deal with PTSD differently. Hermione has filled her schedule so that she doesn't have time for a breakdown, and Sirius remains in a drunken oblivion.Between them, they somehow find the balance.





	Don't be stubborn, Granger

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first time posting on AO3 so please please give me feed back!

Sirius would have gladly slept through the afternoon, had it not been for the incessant knocking from directly behind his bedroom door; at first it had been rather hesitant taps before evolving into more demanding thuds that tore directly into his skull. 

 

"Fuck off" he groaned unintelligibly, folding a pillow over his head. To his surprise, it was a woman's voice that replied. 

 

"Sirius, it's me- Hermione. I'm sorry to come uninvited by I have an urgent favor to ask you"

 

A pang of guilt hit him; he shouldn't have been so abrupt, in truth he had expected it to be Remus having freshly prepared another lecture; not Hermione; the perfectionist student just six months out of a war. 

 

He half stumbled from bed, grimacing at the smell of tabacco and artfully dodging the discarded bottles littering the floor before cautiously peeling open the door. 

 

It had been a few months since Sirius had last seen Hermione- though it still came as a shock at how drastically she had changed since the awkward, outspoken teenager that had once spent the summer at his house. Instead before him stood a smartly dressed young woman; donned in elegant burgundy robes, her chocolate curls were held together by a clasp, and it did not escape his notice that her full lips were painted with a layer of gloss. Nevertheless, her freckled cheeks flushed pink at the sight of him, and it was only then that Sirius became aware that it was only his boxer shorts that protected any shred of modesty. 

 

"Right, sorry" he mumbled hastily, grabbing his dressing gown from it's hook; his body was a gallery of distasteful tattoo's and scars; enough to turn one's stomach, in his opinion. Still, he couldn't help but be entertained by Hermione's embarrassment. 

 

"No problem" she denounced, doe eyes still fixed to the ceiling. "Oh, I brought you coffee" she said suddenly, handing him a tall styrofoam cup, Sirius nodded his thanks, still engulfed with the heavy sense of sleep. 

 

"So, like I said, I'm in search of a very specific set of books for some, um, research I'm doing; Hogwarts library had a few, as did Dumbledore's private library, but it's believed that many of these books were bought by various pureblood families in the 18th century, and I thought that perhaps you could let me look through your library?" Hermione gushed, eyes cautiously evaluating his reaction. 

 

Sirius ran a hand through his hair tiredly, enjoying the feel of the caffeine entering his bloodstream. 

 

"Yeah, of course, you shouldn't have bothered asking" he said, 

 

"Well, I didn't want to intrude, and I'm sorry for waking you, although it is three in the afternoon" she responded, a hint of exasperation in her tone. 

 

"When you have a long day of nothing ahead of you, it doesn't matter what time you wake up, sweetheart" 

 

Her expression changed slightly; her brows furrowing and eyes bore a thoughtful look before she replied, "you don't have to live like this you know" she said quietly. 

 

"Live like what?" Sirius barked defensively, crossing his arms as though he had no idea what Hermione could possibly mean. Once again, she surprised him by responding with equal passion. 

 

"Don't pretend to be stupid, Sirius. You hardly speak to anyone, you've barely left the house in weeks- the same house, might I add, that you were dying to escape from a few years ago" she retaliated, her eyes blazing with frustration. 

 

"What business is it to you any way, little witch?" he accused, closing the gap between them until she was pressed against the wall, her dark red coat a stark contrast from the fading green wallpaper. She didn't look scared, instead she met his gaze defiantly, and Sirius couldn't decide if he liked that or not. The nagging voice at the back of his mind told him to push her further, shout until she swore to never spend another minute with him, as he had done with Molly, and Remus, and Harry, and anyone else who made the callosal mistake of giving a shit about him. 

 

"Did someone send you hear, is that it? Thought it had been too long since someone told me what to do with my life?" He queried darkly, growing more perplexed at her reaction. 

 

"I do not take orders of that kind, Sirius. I have more important things to do, namely; finding those books. You're right, how you spend your life is none of my business, I simply believe that it's an awful shame that-" 

 

"That what? That I've abandoned my godson? Stopped talking to my best friend?"

 

"Your life isn't worth anything more by being there for people, Sirius. Besides, Harry has Ginny, and Remus has a family of his own now. Your life has intrinsic value, you've been given a second chance, there are a thousand other ways to give your life meaning without stewing in a drink induced depression" Hermione asserted. 

Sirius stiffened, the harsh words of her speech wrapping around him until he would collapse from the weight of it. 

 

"Take the books, and get out" he growled lowly; not recognizing his own voice. 

 

"Gladly" the witch chirped, pivoting from the heel and descending the rickety staircase; her exuberant hair bouncing as she went. 

 

"One less person to worry about" Sirius thought gladly to himself, and yet for some reason he felt the rather peculiar sensation of a knife twisting repeatedly in his chest. He fucked up, he shouldn't have been so cruel to Hermione, she was only trying to help, even though she had a hundred more important things to worry about. He sighed, and slowly travelled down the staircase so to hear her rummage around the library. 

 

He paused once he reached the door, and saw her kneeling on the floor, surrounding by dust. Her soft features were puckered in concentration, until after a few minutes she dragged out a handful of dark leather-bound books, and sighed with unparalleled relief. 

 

Sirius found himself smiling at the sight, and just as she brought the books to her chest she spotted him and flinched. 

 

"I'll bring them back next week" she stated, glancing at hundreds of pages dismissively.

 

"Keep them if you want" he offered, matching her tone. The atmosphere was decidedly uncomfortably tense. Hermione nodded in acknowledgment and rose slowly to her feet and apperating with a final cold look. 

 

Sirius leaned dejectedly against the wall; the sudden silence felt stifling, and the day seemed to stretch endlessly in front of him. He could burn a few hours away by smoking some plant, or perhaps exhaust more of his family's wine cellar. However, just as he decided to execute the former option, the air was filled with an ear piercing scream of agony. 

 

Hermione was crumpled on the floor with her face twisted in pain, it took a split heart wrenching moment for Sirius to spot the source of pain; her bloodied hands were outstretched in front of her, emitting copious amounts of smoke. 

 

"Fuck, fuck!" He yelled, instantly on his knees beside her, shakily grabbing his wand form his pocket. "Aguamenti" he rushed, causing a stream of water to emit from it. 

 

After a few moments, when the worst of the burns had been extinguished, he was able to notice that Hermione was gritting her teeth in an effort not to scream, equally, he noticed that his hand was on her back in a subconscious effort to provide comfort. 

 

"Didn't feel like telling me the books were hexed, did you?" she laughed weakly, her brown eyes brimming with tears. 

 

"Hermione, I promise I- I had no idea"

 

"I know, of course you didn't. I should have realized, God I'm so stupid I didn't even think-"

"Enough of the self criticism" he nudged gently, "I should have some healing potions in the kitchen, do you think you can stand?" 

 

Hermione nodded, though Sirius guessed that she would agree to stand even if both her legs had been amputated. He slinked an arm around her slim waist and hoisted her up, mentally wondering when was the last time he had actually initiated physical contact (did a pub brawl count? Probably not). 

 

Once they made it to the kitchen, once the Order's meeting room, Sirius hoisted her onto the table before urgently rummaging through the long abandoned cupboards for the potions he needed. Meanwhile, Hermione remained determinedly silent, though was trembling terribly. Once more, Sirius felt as though a knife had been pierced through his chest form the guilt. 

 

"So, how's school going?" he questioned in an attempt to distract her from the inevitable pain she was in. 

 

"Well enough, I should be taking my NEWTs next month, so I'll graduate a few months earlier than expected" Hermione disclosed. 

 

"Shit, that's brilliant, what's Hogwarts like these days, have they managed to, you know- "

 

"It's mostly repaired, thankfully. Although it isn't the same, ofcouse, there are so many students who lost family members, most of them are just kids, but they seem older, somehow, more distant and mature, they've had to be, I suppose" she said, without a hint of irony. 

 

Luckily, it was at that moment Sirius found the potions he was after, and he toyed with them as he stood in front of Hermione. 

 

"You'll have to role up your sleeves so I can see how far the burns go" he instructed, 

 

"That won't be necessary" she objected firmly, Sirius rolled his eyes, 

 

"Now's not the time to be stubborn, Granger" he half pleaded, however at seeing the unmistakable fear in her eyes, he faltered.

 

Part of him wanted to know every detail of her abuse in the last year, but the other part was scared to find out. Harry and Ron had remained frustratingly secretive about what had occurred during the war, insisting that each of them would come forward when they felt comfortable. Harry had been the first, surprisingly, in disclosing his individual suffering, it had been the first time that Sirius had ever seen him cry, and it was an event that would follow him forwever. Not long after, it seemed that Ron revealed his own journey to his family, and the boy seemed lighter for it. Hermione however, had told no one. Then again, one rarely got the chance to speak to her at all. 

 

"Very well" he amended, "this is going to sting like a bitch. I haven't got any pain relief, but I can offer you some whiskey, or are you more of a weed girl?" he prompted, already grinning at her incredulous look. 

 

"I don't drink or smoke, thank you" she said primly,

 

"Of course you don't" he murmured, jumping slightly when she lightly kicked his shin. 

 

As instructed, Hermione lay out her mauled palms as Sirius gently poured the lime green liquid onto them. She hissed in pain, but otherwise showed no outward emotion. It made Sirius feel slightly sick at the thought of what she must have gone through to be able to endure such pain. 

 

"This is to prevent scarring" he informed, gently rubbing the cream onto her hands, "you'll have to wear bandages for a while, and I'd suggest taking the rest of the weekend off" 

 

"I can't, I've got work commitments" Hermione pointed out, evaluating the harsh red scars on her hands. 

 

"Work commitments?" Sirius repeated incredulously, "but you're still at school"

 

"It's not work, exactly" the witch blushed, "Kingsley offered me an apprenticeship for when I left Hogwarts, although I figured that there would be hundreds of students after them in the summer, so I decided it would be best to start early and get ahead" she explained. 

"So let me get this straight; you're recovering from a war, taking seven NEWT's and working in the Ministry, and you don't drink or smoke?" 

 

"I manage my time efficiently" Hermione defended, "the majority of my lessons are in the morning, meaning I can spend my afternoons and weekends at the Ministry, and study in the evenings. It works out perfectly". 

 

Sirius simply held out his hands in mock defense, although he couldn't help but see her in a different light; he had always known that she was brilliant, but this was something else. It was a coping mechanism, surely; you can't fall apart if you don't have room in your schedule to think for two minutes. 

 

"What do your parents think?" He asked, disturbed when Hermione stiffened. 

 

"My parent's think nothing of me at this precise moment in time. That's why I came here in the first place, it's finally safe enough to return their memories and bring them back to England" she said crisply, not meeting his gaze. 

 

Fuck, he'd completely forgotten, despite Hermione's actions being the hot topic of the Order for a few months. He'd been too self absorbed in his own pit of misery to consider the immense challenge that other were going through. Somehow, he felt like even more of a dick for his previous actions. 

 

"Don't look at me like that" she said sharply, 

 

"Like what?" 

 

"Like i'm a kicked puppy"

 

"Sorry, it wasn't intentional" Sirius confessed, reaching for the second potion, "besides, I'd say you're more of a kitten anyway". This time, he was able to dodge Hermione's kick. 

 

Once the bandages were applied, giving Hermione limited use of her hands, she insisted that she had to return to work for at least a few hours. 

 

"Listen Sirius, if it's alright with you, I was hoping to come back tonight, and I can at least study the books in the library. I promise you won't even realize I'm there- " 

 

"The library's yours whenever you want it, although it's a bit of a shit hole" he admitted. 

"That's perfect, so, I guess I'll see you later" Hermione smiled. 

 

Once she had apparated, and the house was silent once more, Sirius found himself filled with a terrible loneliness, and suddenly craved Hermione's company once more. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
